THIS YEAR FOR EASTER I appeared at the nearest all-purpose so-called Rite Aide store to feast my eyes off what celebratory emblems were being capitalized on for holiday consumption. I saw all the usual suspects: pre-packaged milk chocolate bunnies, candy eggs of one shape in all sizes, standardized rainbow hollowed-out plastic eggs, shredded faux grass, and pastel florescent Peeps, and a few religious-themed chocolate emblems (oh, the temptation!):
What do Peeps have in common with Communion?
Both involve the eating of an eternal body!
To Peep or not to Peep: if I eat enough Peeps will I become non-biodegradable and live forever? (correct: no need to resurrect!)
I will be saddened when the plethora of rabbit-themed merchandise fades off the shelves–but at least year-round I can get rabbit-themed cereal:
Silly Rabbit, the Matrix is for Adults!
What does Trix cereal have to do with Darwin’s theory of evolution?
I profess I personally don’t “know” the answer to that riddle, but I believe you can determine it in the rainbow cereal section of the grocery store in between Silly Circles and Fruity Pebbles.
Most of the year, eggs are advertised as being laid by hens (i.e. chickens). But at this magical time of Easter, rabbits are the ones doing the laying. Thanks to the evolution of Easter, humans can find a variety of mutations of “egg”, including, but not limited to: “Marshmallow Eggs”, “Jelly Bird Eggs” (presumably laid by a jelly bird), and also non-biodegradable “Bright Color Easter Eggs” (25% off at Rite Aide during Lent. I wonder what kind of discount I can get once Easter passes over this year?)
Consider the bunnies of the field…
So what do rabbits and Christian fundamentalists have a common?
They both thump!
What does Easter have to do with Halloween?
Perhaps the ancient Egyptians have the answer:
It’s worth noting that in Westernized society, the two holidays which sell candy as prerogatives are Easter and Halloween: that is to say, celebrations of Resurrection and Death, respectively. These celebrations appear on nearly opposite ends of the Julian calendar, in spring and fall. By the time you finally finish off (kill) that Halloween candy, it’s time for Easter–and candy magically comes back again!
So what do newts have in common with Jesus Christ?
They both have self-regenerative powers!
Newts and salamanders can, for all intents and purposes, regenerate lost or damaged body parts at will (sciencealert.com). For instance, if Mercury the fire belly newt were to lose a hand in a battle with the live worms he likes to eat, he wouldn’t need another newt to lend him a hand–he would just “regrow” it. On a physical-scientific level, this boils down to various regenerative processes, more specifically stem cells. On a spiritual-scientific level, this cooks up to alchemy, the prerogative being the concoction of an elixir of life (some kind of candy, perhaps?)–thus, avoiding the need for resurrection all together.
“As the Salamander lives in fire, so also the Stone”
I don’t think I’ll be having fried newts for Easter, as phoenixes surely lay chocolate eggs.
(All photos by Celeste Evans except when cited otherwise)