Eating Easter Eternally in Eden

THIS YEAR FOR EASTER I appeared at the nearest all-purpose so-called Rite Aide store to feast my eyes off what celebratory emblems were being capitalized on for holiday consumption. I saw all the usual suspects: pre-packaged milk chocolate bunnies, candy eggs of one shape in all sizes, standardized rainbow hollowed-out plastic eggs, shredded faux grass, and pastel florescent Peeps, and a few religious-themed chocolate emblems (oh, the temptation!):

What’s your flavor: yellow, blue, or orange?

What do Peeps have in common with Communion?

Both involve the eating of an eternal body!

*Eternal Peeps:* They never go bad or die (though they are dyed). But in case the carnivore in you consumes them all, you get to keep a larger-than-life-size stuffed Peep!

To Peep or not to Peep: if I eat enough Peeps will I become non-biodegradable and live forever? (correct: no need to resurrect!)

*Hey, what’s the Twitter bird doing here?*

*Silly humans, rabbits don’t need socks!*

*For saftey’s sake!* Even with the over-abundance of colorful rabbit themed (eye) candy at my finger tips, I ended up only with a pair of rabbit-faced “Easter Socks”

I will be saddened when the plethora of rabbit-themed merchandise fades off the shelves–but at least year-round I can get rabbit-themed cereal:

Silly Rabbit, the Matrix is for Adults!

*They’re BACK!*: Classic Trix cereal can be purchased year-round at your local VONS for $4.49 a box. *Note:* the first ingredient is “WHOLE GRAIN”

***Marshmallow Magic*** cereal photographed by C.E. in March 2012. So alchemical: they will turn your tongue gold! Sadly I did not see this cereal on the shelves circa 2018

What does Trix cereal have to do with Darwin’s theory of evolution?

I profess I personally don’t “know” the answer to that riddle, but I believe you can determine it in the rainbow cereal section of the grocery store in between Silly Circles and Fruity Pebbles.

Most of the year, eggs are advertised as being laid by hens (i.e. chickens). But at this magical time of Easter, rabbits are the ones doing the laying. Thanks to the evolution of Easter, humans can find a variety of mutations of “egg”, including, but not limited to: “Marshmallow Eggs”, “Jelly Bird Eggs” (presumably laid by a jelly bird), and also non-biodegradable “Bright Color Easter Eggs” (25% off at Rite Aide during Lent. I wonder what kind of discount I can get once Easter passes over this year?)

*Shredded AstroTurf:* This isn’t just any Easter Grass, it’s Premium! And it comes in not only classic green–but aqua and pink too!

You can’t see my facial expression in this photo because I did not use a hand to make it a selfie with these neat bubble gum eggs (come in a mini plastic egg carton!)–but you can read my mood by the ring on my finger

Out in the meadow I didn’t find any eggs, pink or aqua grass, but I did find a concave fuchsia flower hanging out with a convex cream mushroom in some real green grass

Consider the bunnies of the field…

*By my lucky rabbit’s foot:* LIVE FOOTAGE! A *real* live bunny in *real* live grass!

A wild baby bunny in the thicket of things

So what do rabbits and Christian fundamentalists have a common?

They both thump!

*Order in the Church!* Thumper the rabbit laying down the law. Image: keywordlister.com

*Roll over Russel Stover:* Resurrect oneself with some solid milk chocolate crucifixes

As Advertised: *For God so loved the world that He*…**created chocolate**

What does Easter have to do with Halloween?

Perhaps the ancient Egyptians have the answer:

Rabbit hieroglyph carved on a funerary stele a thousand or two years before the Resurrection, now part of the Vatican collection

Close-up of a pre-Resurrection sarcophagus. *Do you really think these were made to store dead bodies?*

It’s worth noting that in Westernized society, the two holidays which sell candy as prerogatives are Easter and Halloween: that is to say, celebrations of Resurrection and Death, respectively. These celebrations appear on nearly opposite ends of the Julian calendar, in spring and fall. By the time you finally finish off (kill) that Halloween candy, it’s time for Easter–and candy magically comes back again!

*Woven in fabric:* Jesus Christ emerging triumphant from the darkness of the sepulcher on a tapestry at the Vatican

The Resurrection depicted a la fresco in the refectory at the Basilica di Santa Croce, Florence, Italy

So what do newts have in common with Jesus Christ?

They both have self-regenerative powers!

*Living alchemy:* Mercury the newt emerging from his underwater treasure chest

Newts and salamanders can, for all intents and purposes, regenerate lost or damaged body parts at will (sciencealert.com). For instance, if Mercury the fire belly newt were to lose a hand in a battle with the live worms he likes to eat, he wouldn’t need another newt to lend him a hand–he would just “regrow” it. On a physical-scientific level, this boils down to various regenerative processes, more specifically stem cells. On a spiritual-scientific level, this cooks up to alchemy, the prerogative being the concoction of an elixir of life (some kind of candy, perhaps?)–thus, avoiding the need for resurrection all together.

“As the Salamander lives in fire, so also the Stone”